How often in life are we told who we are or are not by those around us. It can be disheartening to be compared to others. Sure we can understand that this sort of thing is based in ego, and the ego’s trinity perception, and know we should dismiss it. But does it rattle us when we are judged even though we know it’s ego? Does it feel hurtful when we are told that we aren’t showing up in an a way that others think we should? For many of us, the answers will be yes.
This happened to me this last week. I was compared to someone, and told the other person was engaged and gregarious. Clearly this person felt I wasn’t. And I knew I wasn’t in that moment. Still it felt like a blanket statement meant more as a label and a judgement. Are you with me? Ever felt this? (What this person didn’t know was what else was going on in my life that contributed to how I was showing up. And it was not the right situation to explain what really was happening.)
There are lots of lessons here. Here are a couple that I take away as blessings.
First, it was a reminder that everyone shows up doing the best that they can. And everyone is in need of love and acceptance because honestly, we don’t know what challenges they face. As my friend Laura says, “Everyone has their crazy pile.” Often we just don’t know the things that pile is made up of.
The second is that different doesn’t mean wrong. Yes, I am different than the person I was being compared to. But as with all of us, it is important that we “know thyself”. I am a writer, and a student of philosophy and spirituality. I love people and believe in human potential, but I also a reserved person. I don’t see myself as either an extravert or an introvert, but someone who finds creative texture in experiencing life through both, embracing alone time and connecting with others. I may show up differently in a situation than someone who is often gregarious might. Is that wrong? No, just different…and it doesn’t mean less positive.
I am also empathic. If you are too, you know the challenges that can come with this gift when dealing with big groups or emotionally charged situations. When I am done, I am ready to find a cave. Like all empaths, we need to be careful not to pick up other peoples’ stuff.
All in all, I have found that when I am quiet, when I am still, I feel God as a force in my life. In that space, I feel loved and whole. In that space, just being is enough and when I am challenged by life, I feel the universal support that helps me know that everything will be okay…everything that makes up my crazy pile will all work out…and all the answers will eventually come. I may not come across as gregarious, but in those moments, at my core I am divinely happy. I may show up differently, but I am totally authentic and aware. Being raw and real, is where we shine… it is where we find our relevance in this world. We don’t find it showing up as someone we are not.
Third, we all have to potential to grow and become. Everything put in front of us can help us be greater more authentic versions of ourselves. It can not only help us see the corrections we should make, but it can help us see the beauty that is us. If you tend to be bothered by others’ comments and labels, learn to have greater love for yourself. Learn to trust your core instincts and show up as yourself. And like me, remind yourself that when someone labels you, they are really showing you something in themselves that needs to be healed.
And if I may, I would ask that you not let anyone diminish who you are. Be bold. Be brave and show up as yourselves. Ain’t nothing wrong about that.
Brightest blessings, Mary Clare
I have partnered with my spiritual teacher, Susan Anthony, to write a book to help those who are working to heal their lives or searching for spiritual answers. Awakened Faith: Learning to Live the Lord’s Prayer is available on amazon.com and bn.com in paperback or kindle edition. Click the link to be taken to the book. Click review, to read the Kirkus Indie Review on Awakened Faith.